Here we are, two days before heading to Philadelphia. I’m losing my mind. I’ve prayed, seen therapists, confided in family and friends, gone to church, done all i can do to find comfort, and it escapes me. I am so scared. There are so many things working against us, many of which we choose not to share, but just know, it is too much for any one person, one family to handle. God has yet again given us more than we can handle, and quite honestly, it angers me. In the end, all I want is for my children to be safe and happy, and that is robbed from me on the daily. Why, God, why? I don’t understand. My faith is slipping. I feel as though there’s nowhere to turn. I pray to feel his presence, for comfort of any kind, but instead am met with one obstacle after another. Gone are the days when I felt carried by the Lord and knew he had my back. Gone. I feel nothing. Nothing but hurt, sorrow, sadness, anger, and distrust. Gone is the carefree, confident, smart, beautiful person i once was, because I’m only a shell of that person. I feel hopeless, worthless, bitter, like ive failed everyone Ive loved. How does that person deal with what I’m faced? I’m not sure I can. I will go to the ends of the earth to protect my son, but I’m standing on the edge of it now. I don’t know the outcome to any of what we’re being faced with now, and some of the outcomes I know what I want them to be, but don’t have the strength to see them through. All i need is one tiny mustard seed of faith, and God will make a way. Problem Is, I’m fresh out of mustard seeds. Please keep my family in your prayers over the next month. I will keep his progress updated. And send in any extra mustard seeds you’ve got lying around my way….right now they’re more valuable than gold. Please share this and visit/share our Go fund me page as well. Thanks for your continued care, concern, and support.
fearfully made; half-heartedly 